The word of god

Hi guys, god here. I hope you are enjoying happy and responsible lives down there.

I thought I would take this opportunity to set the record straight about all the things that have been said about me for the last few thousand years and to apologise for many of the things that have been done in my name.

The facts

In good management style I'll set out the key facts as bullet points:

  • I'm female! So, it's "she", not "he", when referring to me.

    Makes sense when you think about it. Females create life and do all the good stuff while men show off and play with their toys - sometimes I wish testosterone had never evolved!

    I assume that all those who wrote "holy books" (nothing to do with me I can assure you!) were male and created their god in their own image to justify being "top dog". Looking at your "holy books" it seems you have ascribed some of the worst human attributes to me and I come out of it as a pretty unpleasant god. That upsets me because that's not me at all!

  • I'm a good guy and I want you to be happy - happy, happy, happy - what's the point of life if you can't enjoy it?
  • I admit it, I pressed the switch that got this whole thing started. It was a bit boring out here, all dark and vast and scary, so I thought I would create everything (yes, everything - except me, I have always been around) in a tiny little blob and just see what happened.

    At the risk of sounding arrogant, which I am not, I am pretty impressed with the result so far. The Universe is an awesome place, lots of lights and things whizzing around. Take a look at some of the photos from your own Hubble telescope - real mind-blowing stuff - is that cool or is that cool!

  • I'm cool about gender and sexuality - as long as it makes you happy and you cause no harm to anyone else, I'm cool. I have no idea where all that vicious, bigoted, homophobic, misogynistic, nonsense came from in your "holy books" - probably from men insecure in their own sexuality - there's far too much aggressive willy-waving in your "holy books" - very unlike me!
  • I'm also quite happy with cross-dressing - I think Grayson Perry looks sweet in some of his frocks. However, that's no excuse for your "religious leaders" to wear frocks - that's just silly. Cross-dress by all means - but don't use my name as an excuse.
  • I am also pretty laid-back about whether or not you "believe" in me - 2000+ years of arguing about it has wasted a lot of human intellectual effort that could have been applied to more useful things. Obviously I believe in me (!) but there is no reward for believing in me, or punishment for not believing in me - I am not jealous (what have I got to be jealous of?) and vengeful - what sort of god would that make me! I have watched you develop, and I will continue to watch, but I won't intervene - you just have to make the best of it. So, use your brains productively rather than arguing about me!
  • I don't mind you creating pictures or cartoons of what you think I look like. I quite like the painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel - but, like most others, Michelangelo assumed I was male! I have to say that I think the Christian religion (in it's million-and-one varieties) can be pretty nasty at times - especially when I count the number of people killed in its name over the last 2,000 years.

    I get a bit upset about the arrogance of male "church leaders" and "scholars" telling people what they can and cannot do. The pope, cardinals, bishops and priests need to chill out a bit and do something more socially useful. Don't even get me started on what Christianity did in the Middle Ages (and beyond) with its "indulgencies", "sacred relics", suppport for slavery, oppression of women etc. Redistributing the wealth tied up in palaces and churches might be a good start.

  • I don't mind people poking fun at me. Think about it: I am god, I am secure in my own skin, I understand myself and the Universe around me - I am big enough to take this sort of stuff and I find some of it very amusing. I am not some insecure, socially inadequate, playground bully with no empathy and the attitudes of a badly brought up seven year old boy - like your President Trump. (Besides which, the man has appalling taste - I hate bad taste, it's so common!)
  • I want you to figure out the rules for yourself. Personally I think that you, as social animals, have a lot to gain from leading responsible lives and helping others to do the same. However, I am not being prescriptive, I'll let you figure it out - and don't come crying to me if you get it wrong.
  • I don't answer prayers - nor do I listen to them - sorry. Some of you are slow learners - you have been trying for over 2,000 years and it hasn't worked - why do you keep doing it?

    You are the current result of a long period of change (I call it "evolution") in the Universe and I am not gong to interfere - you need to make your own way in life along with your family, friends, the rest of humanity and all the other little animals down there.

  • I know life can get tough down there sometimes, especially since you seem to organise your societies for the benefit of the few rather than for everyone. However, when things seem hard, turn to your partner, your family or your friends. Talk about it, ask for advice, share your problems with others - most people are only too happy to listen and help.
  • Despite what you may have read, I have never spoken to anyone down there - this is the first time I have communicated directly to you because, up until now, there was no way I could reach everyone on Earth. I reckon your technology is great and this Internet thing is the best things since sliced bread!

    Actually, I'll qualify that. I am not too happy about some of the things you guys say to one another on the Internet, especially on that Social Media thing. Cool it guys - if you can't say something nice about someone please keep your opinions to yourself - and remember, there is such a thing as privacy.

  • There is no heaven - sorry.

    The good news is there is no hell either - whoopee! Both of them were made up by those who wrote your "holy books" and they have been used for centuries by the powerful to keep the rest of you in your place.

  • What happens after death? Nothing - you rot - end of. You have one life which you share with others, so enjoy it and be kind to one another - play nicely!
  • I am rather disappointed that you have been tricked into thinking that money creates wealth - it doesn't - work creates wealth and money is simply a battery for storing it between transactions. You give far too much importance to "finance" as if it was something magical. It isn't, it is just an excuse to rip you off - certainly not something I would have come up with. I stick to "neither a borrower nor a lender be" - smart guy that Shakespeare.
  • My advice? Look after each other and look after your world - it's the only one you have and it won't be here forever. Thanks to this great evolution thing I have lots of other planets containing life to talk to but I quite like your "Third Rock From The Sun" - so, look after it! That's not an order by the way, it's a suggestion - remember, I don't lay down the law, you have to figure things out for yourself.

A suggestion

Some of you spend too much time arguing about my existence.

Personally I think there are far more useful things you could be doing - like creating a society that is fair for everyone, not just for the greedy, rich, tax-avoiding elites you allow to run your world at the moment. Time you did something about that.

However, I have looked round your Internet and I think the best summary of arguments from both sides may be found here on this web site.

Nasty stuff

People have been taking my name in vain. People have made up stuff about me and some if it is pretty unpleasant - I am shocked. Even worse, some of them claim to have spoken to me directly!

Let me make this crystal clear:

  • I have never spoken to anyone before now.
  • I have never tried to get in touch with anyone down there.
  • I have never selected anyone to speak on my behalf - I can speak for myself thank you very much - I am god after all!
  • I have never had a son who I placed on Earth - where did that idea come from? Certainly not me.
  • I have never authorised anyone to write anything on my behalf. If I wanted books containing my words I would write them myself - do you think I am dumb? Would I have picked someone illiterate to do the job on my behalf - do you think I am stupid? Here's me, with a brain the size of a planet, and you expect me to pick some idiot to do my work! Duhh!

    If I had wanted the job done by someone else I would have picked Shakespeare. Now, there's a word-smith, not like the repetitive, boring, self-serving, badly-written stuff in your "holy books."

  • All your "holy books" are fictions made up by people for their own reasons.

    When you humans first evolved you were pretty dumb and much of what was going on must have been quite scary for you. I am not surprised you made up stories to explain things but how you figured out there must be a god (me!) and then made up all these silly, and rather nasty, stories about me, I have no idea.

  • I am disgusted with some of the things in your "holy books." Would I tell you to go round killing one another? Would I provide words to justify the oppression of women (think about it!) Would I tell you not to eat shell fish or pork (how daft can you get - I like animals but I am not a vegetarian!) Of course I wouldn't tell you these things.
  • I am appalled by many of the things done in my name. You have had endless wars because of your different fictions about me. You talk about being "pro life" (as if anyone isn't - how stupid can you get) yet you allow thousands of women to die, and millions to be injured, ever year in seedy back street abortions because your "religious leaders" have made safe abortion illegal! Disgraceful, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
  • Stop using my name to tell people what to do and what not to do! Let them lead their own lives as long as they are socially responsible and cause no harm.

  • Greed is not good. I am amazed that you allow a tiny number of rich people to rip you off and monopolise the wealth of your planet. Get your act together, you are social animals, stop wasting your time arguing about me and work together, cooperate, take control, share things out fairly - remember, be kind to one another
  • Where did this "celibate priests" stuff come from? You are animals, you are human, you have hormones and perfectly natural desires - you evolved that way after I kick-started things. Youth plus testosterone plus sexual frustration is a recipe for disaster, a powder keg waiting to explode - as you can see all around you when you look at your TV news. Older people should be setting a good example with kindness and good sex education, not denying their sexuality with this celibacy nonsense. Sexuality is a gift - enjoy it responsibly and with respect.

Oh, and burn the "holy books"! They are all nonsense, some of it vicious and nasty nonsense, and when I think of all the human brain power that has been wasted writing and interpreting them I get upset - which is rare for me because I am normally a very calm god and I prefer to wear a happy face. Your "holy" books don't paint me as the nice, happy, friendly, tolerant, open-minded person I am - and that upsets me.

Forget that religious stuff - I'm not an ego-maniac and I certainly don't want to be worshipped - I am embarrassed and upset at the very thought. What sort of god would I be if I needed to be worshipped? Your "religious leaders" can trade in their frocks and do an honest day's work for a change.

Many thanks for listening - I hope to contact you again soon - maybe I should start one of those blog things!

I am off to visit some more "peoples" on different planets - you would be amazed at how many different forms of life there are in the Universe now.

Have fun,. enjoy life (it's the only one you will ever have) - and be kind to one another.


An apology

I try my best but I am rather old so please forgive any "getting down with the kids" language above.


I am happy to respond to friendly, well written and well argued emails - I don't read the rest.

From AR in Cynthiana, Kentucky, USA

"This web site is deeply insulting to those who believe in the god described in The Bible. Why do you show no respect for people's sincerely held beliefs?"

You are correct that I am not the violent, murderous, jealous, homophobic, misogynistic, insecure, war-mongering, meglomaniac, dictatorial god described in the Torah, the Old Testament and the Qur'an.

I am a happy, friendly and loving god. Why would you want me to be otherwise?

Caligula, Genghis Khan, William The Bastard of Normandy, Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot and many others all had "sincerely held beliefs". Do you respect such beliefs? If not, how do you judge which "sincerely held beliefs" are worthy of respect and which are not?

From GH in Morinsville, New Zealand

"This web site is an affront to the billions of people round the world who believe in god. Yet again, people of religion are under attack by militant atheists and secularists."

Why is it an affront? Are you now saying that I don't exist? Are you saying I wouldn't communicate with you like this? Where is your faith? If I knocked on your door would you not recognise me?

Before you talk about "people of religion being under attack" I think you need to look at your history. I am embarrassed and sad when I think about the things that have been done in my name over the last 2,000+ years.

I don't understand why people of the same religion, believing in the same god (me, I assume) set out to kill one another because of some obscure interpretations of holy books that they wrote themselves in the first place! Whether it is Catholic v Protestant or Sunni v Shia it is always sect against sect or religion against religion.

I am god. If I wanted holy books writing about me I would write them - and I would make sure they were total unambiguous. Would I make them deliberately obscure? Would I try to confuse you? Of course not - why would I do such a thing? These books do not contain my words - they are the inconsistent, and badly written, inventions of men seeking power.

It is worth remembering that the "atheists and secularists" you mention have had to keep their heads well below the parapet for hundreds of years - not doing so was a sure way to get burnt at the stake.

Even today, in 2017, you are imprisoning, torturing and killing people in the name of religion. In Saudi Arabia, the heartland of one of your largest religions, "atheists and secularists", such as Raif Badawi, are forbidden from speaking out and are lashed and imprisoned when they try to do so. In the USA no politician would dare to admit being an atheist for fear of the backlash from evangelical and fundamentalist Christians.

This is all being done in my name and I am ashamed of it - and ashamed of you for being so intolerant and uncaring about your fellow human beings - no matter what their beliefs.

There were no atheists of secularists in the planes on 9/11. There are no atheists or secularists wearing suicide jackets. There are no atheists or secularists kidnapping, raping and murdering people in the name of their beliefs.

Sometimes I think that those who do not believe in me are better human beings than those who do - and that makes me cross.

From CJ in Tolpuddle, UK

"This web site is a fake. I am an atheist humanist and I do my best to lead a good and responsible life without believing in gods."

I have no problem with that. I am not prescriptive so you are free to believe in me or not - there is no reward for belief and no penalty for non-belief.

I know from watching your world that being a good and responsible person is not related to belief in me - being a believer does not make you good - as one glance at your evening news makes all too clear.

Of course, you are wrong about me - I do indeed exist and I am "god" singular, not "gods" plural.

I notice you write from Tolpuddle. Great stuff! I am really pleased when people stand up against oppression.

From PD in Port Blandford, Newfoundland, Canada

"I have always relied on The Bible and my local church to tell me what is right or wrong. How can we lead good lives if you are hands-off and don't tell us what to do?"

Your holy books were written by men as a means of social control. As such, their view of me is as a dictatorial male - I am described in the image of those who wrote the books.

The real me is described above and I certainly don't tell you what is right or wrong.

You have evolved into pretty intelligent animals (well, most of you have), you can think for yourselves and you can define rules that enable you to function as happy and harmonious societies.

Unfortunately evolution is not perfect. Many of you do not develop a sense of empathy, you do not see that your own interest is best served by helping others. In some cases, especially with some of your business and political leaders, you tend towards selfish and greedy psychopathy. Personally, if I was you, I would do something about this - but I leave that up to you - I do not interfere in your day to day lives.

From RP in Grimstad, Norway

"I am an evangelical fundamentalist Christian and I believe the Earth and everything on it was created and designed by god. Am I right or wrong?"

It depends what you mean by "created and designed by".

I certainly kick-started things billions of years ago by creating all matter and energy in a single place. I then left it to physics, chemistry and biology to determine what happened next through a gradual process of change - which I call "evolution". Your own grasp of these things has become pretty good since the 19th century and I am impressed by how much your scientists now understand - thought there are still millions of things for you yet to discover. I hope you find that exciting.

I am a little concerned about your use of the words "evangelical" and "fundamentalist".

"Evangelical" implies that you want to impose your beliefs ("the good news") onto others - including your own childen. Surely it would be much better if you allowed people to make a free and informed choice about what to believe?

"Fundamentalist" implies that you believe the words in your holy books, and the interpretations of your religious prophets/scholars, are literally true.

Holy books are written by, and interpreted by, men and I am amazed that two people can read exactly the same sentence and come out with two totally different meanings! I suppose this is why you have so many different religions and why those religions split time and time again until there are thousands of sects dotted around the world. I am amazed that a slight difference of opinion about the meaning of your holy books can result in centuries of murderous conflict. Ask yourself: is it really worth it, is this the best you can do for your fellow human beings?

My advice is to start again. Look carefully and deeply at the beliefs of your own religion and the beliefs of many others. Talk to those who do not have religious beliefs. Think critically, don't accept things simply because they are written in a book or because someone tells you they are true. You have evolved a highly complex brain and you are insulting it (and me) by not using it.

From DG in Birr, Ireland

"You say you don't want to be worshipped. Are you saying we have made fools of ourselves over the last 2,000+ years?"

What sort of arrogant, self-centred person would I be if I wanted to be worshipped? I find the whole idea of "worship" distasteful and degrading.

I am god. I am totally secure. I have nothing to be worried about or jealous of - I don't need your worship to make me feel big!

No, I don't think you are fools but I do think you have been misled. You need to think carefully about why people make up stories about me, what purpose those stories serve and who gains from them.

There will always be people who try to control the lives of others and to gain personally from that control. Unfortunately my name has been used to justify such things and entire institutions (religions, churches, temples, what-have-you) have grown up to serve those who control you.

I am a happy god and taking my name in vain makes me unhappy - so please stop doing it.

Having said that, I want you to be happy and to lead good and responsible lives - but I am not going to make it easy for you by laying down the rules - you must think for yourselves.

Worship and prayer are not for me - they have been made up to serve the interest of human beings who wish to control you. I have no wish to control you - I want you to be in control of your own lives and to live happily and harmoniously together.

Think about this - how much better would the world be if all the time, energy and intellectual effort wasted on building places of worship, and using them, had instead been used to find ways to improve the lives of everyone on your planet?

So, cut out the worship, prayer, ritual and all the other mumb-jumbo that has grown up over the centuries - it doesn't impress me!

From EF in Nelspoort, South Africa

"I notice your web site is based in England. Why is that?"

Everyone knows that god is an Englishman!

As I have already said, I am female not male. The fact that my web site is based in England is purely by chance and the wonders of your Internet.

I have seen many images of someone your "Christian" religion calls "Jesus" and I notice that a lot of those images show a person who certainly could not have originated in the Middle East! Not only did men create me in their own image when they made up the stories in your holy books, they also created images of their prophets in the same image. Next thing you know I will be an American and your Jesus will be a College Jock in Salt Lake City!