Council of Ripley: latest news

The 27th Council of Ripley (COR27) has been meeting since 2003 and hopes to complete its deliberations by 2033.

NOM27: press release, August 2018

Media reports of fighting taken place during the first meeting of the NOM27 working group (see below) have been greatly exaggerated.

The Chair of the working group stated:

"The Pink Hippo has been traditionally referred to as 'She' but this has become 'a hot potato' within the movement since Hippoism has always been 100% male-dominated and it seems logical (to some) that She should be referred to as 'He'.

Yes, firm and heart-felt views were expressed on both sides but far too much is being read into the arrival of three ambulances from East Midlands Ambulance Service."

Debate continues amongst the surviving theologians.

Background

Hippoism has been divided between two major branches (sects), Literalists and Interpretists, since the arrival of The Messenger in 1376. Over the last 600 years these two branches have themselves split into a total of over 257 different groups, each claiming to have the correct interpretation of our holy books.

Personality differences between Hippoist leaders have been the primary cause of these splits, along with a desire by "certain people" to benefit from the huge sums of cash generated through tything The Sheep.

It has long been recogised that these differences result in Hippoism being treated as a joke by outsiders - how can we be taken seriously if we can't agree on what we believe?

In 2000 there was a fortuitous meeting between the two senior Panjandrums of the Literalist and Interpretist churches - they both happened to be in the bar at The Red Lion in Hognaston at the same time. After several pints of well-kept Pedigree, they were assisted back to their chauffeur driven cars (Bentley for Literalists, Tesla for Interpretists) and, while leaning on their respective bonnets, agreed to "get together again some time".

Milestones so far

  • 2003-2009: agreement on who should represent each of the 257 groups. Multiple objections had to be overcome but financial arrangements finally led to agreement.
  • 2009-2012: agreement on the location for meetings. Ripley is approximately half way between the headquarters of the Literalist church in Alfreton and that of the Interpretist church in Denby.
  • 2012-2015: acquisition of land and building of a runway, hangars, living quarters and meeting rooms to the South West of Ripley. This was essential since the 257 representatives insisted on arriving in their private jets.
  • 2015-2017: agreement on the agenda and the establishment of working groups.
  • 2018: first plenary session and first meetings of the working groups.

Working groups

Groups are listed in priority order as determined by COR27 meetings 2015-2017.

  • DOS27: Division Of Spoils
  • RGO27: Revenue Generating Opportunities
  • LED27: Leadership
  • NOM27: Nomenclature
  • NAT27: Nature
  • INT27: Interpretation

DOS27

This group is attended by all 257 representatives. Meetings are private and no minutes are published.

RGO27

This group is attended by all 257 representatives. Meetings are private and no minutes are published.

LED27

This group is attended by all 257 representatives. Meetings are private and no minutes are published.

NOM27

This group is tasked with determining the correct form of address for The Pink Hippo: "She", "He" or "It".

The 257 representatives have agreed to delegate responsibility for this to the leading theologians of the Literalist and Interpretist churches.

NAT27

This group is tasked with determining the nature of The Messenger.

  • How did he arrive?
  • Was he placed on earth as a fully formed man?
  • Was he planted as a seed in a normal woman?
  • Was he a normal man?
  • Did he have parents?
  • Did he have a partner or partners?
  • Did he have children?
  • Should he be treated seperately from The Pink Hippo or as part of ("as one with") The Pink Hippo?

The 257 representatives have agreed to delegate responsibility for this to the leading theologians of the Literalist and Interpretist churches.

INT27

This group is tasked with reconciling the differences between our beliefs as expressed by:

The 257 representatives have agreed to delegate responsibility for this to the leading theologians of the Literalist and Interpretist churches.