May The Pink Hippo bless you and may the grass grow long and damp to speed your path through life

The Pink Hippo's Messenger on earth

The Pink Hippo was aware that over time, many men had deviated from the path She had set for them and that many had openly disobeyed The Book of Rules.

The Pink Hippo recognised that Her form would be strange to man.

She therefore sent The Messenger in the form of a man so that the people of the Earth should be better informed about their Creator and should be taught the rules by which they must lead their lives in the name of The Pink Hippo.

The Messenger is without name.

The Pink Hippo erased the given name of The Messenger from the minds of all mankind so that his teachings should stand clearly and forever as those of The Pink Hippo alone.

Historical proof of the existence of The Messenger

Unlike most other religions, there is conclusive historical evidence that the prophet of The Pink Hippo existed as a real person.

Despite claims that he raised people from the dead, cured the sick, was put to death as a rebel and himself rose from the dead, there is no credible contemporary writing about the alleged prophet of Christianity, Jesus, who was almost certainly a composite fictitious creation of Paul in his attempt to establish his own religion.

Islam has no better record since the first biography of their prophet Mohammed was not written until at least 100 years after his alleged death.

It is convenient for both Christianity and Islam that both their prophet and those who followed him: the disciples of Jesus and the Companions of Mohammed, were illiterate. We therefore have no records in either case written by anyone who actually met or knew the alleged prophet.

In the case of The Messenger we have the words written at the time by William and Arthur - two abbey-trained and highly literate members of The Followers.

We also have hundreds of independent contemporary written documents clearly identifying The Messenger, his teachings and his band of Followers. Here are a few.

Hollinshed

Every student of English literature will know the works of Hollinshed, the major historical source used by Shakespeare, and many will know this passage concerning the time of The Peasants' Revolt:

"Now there was about this time The Messenger, a wise man, if it be lawful to call him a man, for he was a doer of wonderful works - a teacher of such men as receive the truth with pleasure. He drew over to him both many of the Christians, and many of the Pagans. He was The Messenger of The Pink Hippo and he was condemned by the powerful for he taught that no man should gain wealth from the labour of another nor from the rent charged another for god's own land. He was put to death following the rebellion of the man Tyler but those who believed in him did not abandon hope and he appeared again to those walking their cattle in the early morning. He was the divine prophet and the thousands who became his Sheep are increasing in number today."

Royal Tribunal, 1382

We have the evidence submitted to the Royal Tribunal that followed the suppression of The Peasants' Revolt:

... the man Tyler was the brother of one of those who followed the ranter from Derbyshire who styled himself as The Messenger of The Pink Hippo and whose words and preachings were about the land and caused considerably disquiet in those parts which had previously been quiet and reduced the income to the coffers of the realm ..."

Abbey records, 1376 - 1381

We have the records of the various abbeys in Derbyshire, including Dale and Darley, whose Abbots were continuously complaining to the King about the disquiet caused by:

.,.. the madman from Osleston and Etwall who is every day wandering our estates and spreading discord amongst our serfs and causing them to refuse the payment of taxes and tithes and to question not only our lordship over them but the very foundations of our religion. Some of them now complain to us that our Lord Jesus was a fiction and that the church has only one aim: to acquire riches and to remain in power. The man titles himself The Messenger and his band of Followers claims that he is the prophet of some god they call The Pink Hippo."

The common theme running through all contemporary accounts is that the preachings of The Messenger threatened the financial well-being of the land-owning class - as is most evident in the sermon on Hardley Hill - The Hardlitudes.

The arrival of The Messenger

The Pink Hippo was aware that strange ideas had entered the minds of men. A tradition had built up over hundreds of years that any Messenger from The Pink Hippo could not be born of a woman because it was an established fact that women were unclean and second in status to men.

The Pink Hippo toyed with the idea of having The Messenger born to a women who had not had sexual intercourse with a man. She rejected this idea because of the obvious difficulty it might create in the future when believers in The Pink Hippo might pick and choose which stories of The Messenger they would believe - and the concept of a virgin birth would be one of the first to be discarded.

The Pink Hippo decided to fall-back on the method She used for creation itself - the idea of instant creation.

The Messenger therefore appeared on the Earth as a full grown man of 30 years of age. To avoid unfortunate questions, The Pink Hippo placed a fictitious cover story into the minds of men so that they believed that The Messenger had a normal childhood, had trained as a blacksmith and had lost both of his parents in an accident.

The life, death, ascent and resurrection of The Messenger

The Appearance

The Messenger first appeared in the village of Osleston.Derbyshire, England in the year 1376.

As predicted in The Book Of The Pink Hippo his appearance followed a period of great troubles when millions of people had died from the Black Death and the countryside of England was suffering an upheaval as the land of the dead was re-distributed and agricultural labour was in short supply.

The first recorded speech by The Messenger was outside the Christian farm church inside The Hall in Osleston. Farm-based Christian churches were very common at this time with only the more prosperous villages, such as nearby Trusley, being able to afford a dedicated church. In this speech, witnessed by those on their way into Sunday Service, The Messenger spoke about the evilness of the Christian belief and the fictional god that Christians believe in. He told the people that the Earth was balanced in space on the nose of The Pink Hippo who was the creator of the entire Universe.

Following his speech, The Messenger was forced to leave Osleston - just managing to hide himself in a passing farm cart as the Christian congregation was building a pile of wood on which to burn him at the stake.

In the following days, The Messenger wandered far and wide through South Derbyshire visiting places such as Sutton on the Hill, Dalbury, Lees, Radbourne, Long Lane and Longford. In each case the response was the same and each case he only just managed to escape with his life.

The journey from Osleston to Etwall and the founding of The Followers

Finally, after leaving the area of Osleston and after speaking to a bunch of dis-affected youth in the distant village of Etwall, The Messenger gained his first followers - promising them a reward in heaven consisting of piles of money and an infinite supply of young women. The Followers, as they are now called, numbered only 10 but amongst them were two, William and Arthur, who could read and write. The Messenger was, of course, illiterate, as were most people in the Derbyshire countryside at the time.

Soon after this, The Messenger and The Followers were given a place to hide in a barn belonging to the father of one of The Followers. It was here that they were forced to live off the land eating whatever they could find. During the erratic climate changes of the 14th century, many different plants began to grow in the English countryside and the diet of The Followers consisted primarily of an unusual type of mushroom.

Within a few days of arriving in the barn, The Messenger received his first message from The Pink Hippo. It was reported that, after a heavy meal of mushrooms, he threw himself on the floor, writhed about and started to speak in a strange voice. A hour or so later, when he regained his normal senses, he was told what had happened. He commanded William and Arthur to write down what he had said. This book we know today as The Revealed Truth - the words of The Pink Hippo as expressed through the mouth of The Messenger.

Thereafter, for a period of several weeks, this event was repeated - always after a meal of mushrooms and always recorded by William and Arthur.

The Wandering

For the next four years, The Messenger and The Followers wandered far and wide within The Triangle - the rich agricultural land set within the eye-wateringly beautiful Champion countryside of central England - now a land of small fields, hedges and small villages bounded by the lines between the tiny town of Derby and the villages of Sudbury and Ashbourne. This area is still a quiet rural backwater, rarely visited by those outside the area who do not know of its fundamental significance for Hippoism.

And in that time The Messenger visited the villages of Radbourne, Dalbury, Lees, Trusley, Sutton on the Hill, Thurvaston, Osleston, Long Lane, Longford, Alkmonton, Yeavely, Wyaston, Rodsley, Osmaston, Shirley, Over Burrows, Hollington, Great Cubley, Boylestone, Church Broughton, Sapperton, Foston, Kirk Langley, Brailsford, and Langley Green. To this day, each village visited by The Messenger has a sign of his passing in the form of a mark on a stone - sometimes part of a building, sometimes by the side of a road or track. Such signs are clearly recognised by those fluent in the mystical Crabala - the ancient symbolic language of Hippoist mystics.

During this time The Messenger attracted The Sheep. He gave them this name because of their behaviour - particularly their willingness to follow their leader in a straight line without deviation, their fear of outside influence causing them to flee at the first sign of danger, their totally unquestioning attitude to anything The Messenger said, their ability to provide funds, food and clothing for The Followers and their inherent death wish which causes them to roll over on their backs and die when they can no longer stand the stresses of life.

The number of The Sheep varied over time but by the end of his four year ministry, The Messenger could count on over 30 supporters - a huge proportion of this tiny area of central England.

Unfortunately the number of The Followers, the original ten, was reduced to six - the other four being burnt at the stake when their hide-out was given away by a Christian Priest in the village of Alkmonton. This betrayal led to a blood feud between The Sheep and the people of Alkmonton, a feud which continues to this day - over 700 years after the event.

In early times when The Sheep were in the ascendency in the area, the people of Alkmonton were forced to flee their home village and to make a living throughout the land as bailiffs on large estates. This dispersal of the people of Alkmonton was known as the diaspora.

In later days the people of Alkmonton demanded the return of their land and homes and now great rivalry exists between The Sheep who have been in the area for 700 years and the returning descendent of those who had lived in Alkmonton before the coming of The Messenger. Unfortunately those of other religions, particularly Christianity, have supported those returning from the diaspora and this has led to many years of endless violence and conflict - so much so, that a wall has been built in the village forcing the remaining Hippoist Sheep into smaller and smaller areas.

The betrayal is also the cause of the feud that has existed between Hippoism and Christianity for the last 700 years - a feud which will only be ended when Hippoists seize control of the state and execute the enemies of The Pink Hippo - an obligation placed on us by The Book of The Pink Hippo.


Fly Agaric - the mushroom that sustained
The Messenger and The Followers
during their wanderings around The Triangle
in South Derbyshire.
Click for more details of the
religious importance of this mushroom.

The Disappearance

The Messenger disappeared during the upheavals of The Peasants revolt in the year 1381. One of the popular chants at the time was:

"When Adam delved and Eve span, who was then the gentleman."

Hippoists believe that this was one of the sayings recorded by William and Arthur and it may well have contributed to the 1381 uprising of peasants against the tyranny of landowners trying to force agricultural wages down to pre-Black Death levels.

Documents written by those who took part in the Peasants Revolt record that "a ranter from South Derbyshire" was killed after cowering under the altar cloth in a Christian church in Kirk Langley when the revolt was crushed by the militia of the landowners.

The Ascension

We now know that The Messenger returned to Osleston, an almost deserted village by that time, with six remaining Followers, and, after an extremely large meal of his favourite mushrooms swilled down with gallons of ale provided by the local Sheep, threw up his arms and was seen by the Followers to rise up through the roof of the barn and disappear into the sky.

The following morning, when they recovered from their heavy mushroom meal, The Followers tried to make sense of what they had seen. William and Arthur initially recorded "We can't find The Messenger, he seems to have disappeared" - but the following evening, after their next meal, they added the description of the real event - the ascension of The Messenger.

The Resurrection

The Messenger was never again seen by The Followers but it is recorded that he appeared before a group of peasants who were herding their cattle along the old Roman road that runs from Long Lane Village to Longford. It was still dark and early in the morning after The Followers had seen him disappear but the peasants later reported, in the Long Lane Village pub which was attached to the local smithie and is now known as The Three Horseshoes, that he was "wandering round like a mad man, clutching at his belt and not knowing where he was going" and that he continuously repeated "I need to go, I need to go". This was, of course, a clear indication that he needed to go to join The Pink Hippo in paradise.

He then disappeared through a field in which a farmer kept a dozen wild boar - he was never seen again. The farmer later reported in the pub that "my pigs don't seem to want their food today."

The Destruction

The enemies of The Pink Hippo destroyed the village of Osleston soon after The Messenger disappeared - but the remains of the village can still be seen in the fields - proof of the day when The Messenger first appeared. Today, the abandoned village, the barn where The Messenger sheltered and The Three Horseshoes pub in Long Lane Village, are all places of pilgrimage for followers of The Pink Hippo from around the world.

"Messenger Tours"

Regular tours are available of the South Derbyshire countryside visiting all the sites within The Triangle where The Messenger was known to be present. The tour includes a short walk along the footpaths that cross the remains of the disappeared village of Osleston, a chance to see the cattle now kept in the barn where the Messenger sheltered and a pub lunch, complete with a perfectly kept pint of Marstons Pedigree Ale, at The Three Horseshoes pub in Long Lane Village - situated on the Roman road that ran from Roman Derby to Roman Uttoxeter.

If you would like to take part in a tour, please contact us.

The Revealed Truth - the teachings of The Messenger

This section is currently undergoing re-interpretation by Hippoist Scholars - we hope to have it available as soon as possible.

 
 
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